A question I get asked regularly when I give my mental health talk is “If I’m struggling, how do I start a conversation with my line manager?” This has proved to be one of the hardest questions to answer, so I’ve resorted to asking the community for help.
In this blog post, I will discuss some of the suggestions that have come up, as well as asking more questions about how to deal with the problem from both sides of the 1-to-1 meeting table.
Content warning: This post briefly mentions suicide.
It feels like there are a few different facets to this problem. First, let’s try to tackle the question head on, before we look at the wider problem and how we might go about solving it.
Asking for Help
As part of the ConveRSE project, I’ve been encouraging people to talk more openly about mental health in the workplace. I’ve gone to great lengths to explain why it’s important, and that everyone benefits when we do. I’ve also explained that it leads to more productivity and saves the company money in the long run, as it is always easier and cheaper to prevent issues from turning into bigger problems than it is to fix them afterwards.
But I also acknowledge that admitting that you’re struggling and asking for help is difficult. I know how daunting it can be to start that conversation, and what it feels like to worry that your admission will be seen as a sign of weakness, or that it may affect your career.
But I’ve also stood up in front of a dozen rooms full of strangers and told them about I had an anxiety attack. I know how hard it is. But I also know that it’s worth doing!
Having The Talk
Your line manager should be having regular meetings with you, if for no other reason than to check that everything is going OK with your projects. Ideally, your line manager should be asking questions in those meetings about how you are and whether your struggling. This is an opportunity to not just say “yeah, fine,” but to be honest with them.
If they aren’t presenting these opportunities, then you’re faced with steering the conversation in the right direction. How do you do that? Well, here are some suggestions from the community, submitted via the #mental-health channel on the Society of RSE Slack workspace and during the Q&A sessions of my talk.
Other Ways to Raise the Issue
Interestingly, people have suggested a few other ways that you can show that you’re struggling.
Someone at UKAEA told me that they have a toy elephant in their desk drawer, and that they put it on their desk or on top of their monitor. Their colleagues know that if they can see the elephant, it means that the person is struggling and to give them some space. (It could also be a sign to their line manager or a Mental Health First Aider that they need to have a conversation with that person - particularly if the elephant has been there for a few days!).
Similarly, another suggestion was to set a custom status on Slack (or whatever tool your team uses to communicate). Some people have a “quiet mode”, if they’re feeling overwhelmed, where notifications are turned off, so no-one can disturb their concentration, but also people can see that the person doesn’t want to be disturbed.
Eli Chadwick pointed out that:
- “Being more open helps encourage your colleagues to be more open (even if you don’t give any detail and just say e.g. “I’m taking a mental health day this afternoon”). I’ve been a lot more comfortable discussing & taking time off for mental health when that behaviour has been modelled by leadership.”
Psychological Safety
We can also look at this from the other side. Should it be the employee’s responsibility to start these difficult conversations?
Ideally, you want to create phycological safety within your team. And this comes mainly from having these very visible conversation around mental health. This is why we created the ConveRSE Leaflets (which you can download from our resources page), and why we’re working on a poster to share resources and encourage people to continue the conversation. By talking visibly about it, raising awareness of the issues and doing what we can to prevent issues and signpost resources, we keep the conversation going, break the stigma and encourage people to be more open about raising issues and asking for help.
Eli also made the point that:
- “It’s very hard to be vulnerable with your line manager if your line manager is never vulnerable with/around you (not necessarily about mental health in particular, but sharing hobbies/personal opinions/that sort of thing too).”
Line Managers
I also think that line managers need to make the time to ask questions, particularly if they suspect that someone is struggling. Again, it can be a difficult conversation, but early intervention always produces the best outcomes. You do have to ask, and that sometimes means being asking very clear and direct questions. During Mental Health First Aider training, we were told that if we suspect someone is thinking of taking their own life, then asking the direct question is the best way to start a conversation that could save someone’s life.
As them how they’re doing. Ask if they’re managing the workload. And note their responses. If they repeatedly say they are struggling to stay on top of everything, then some form of support or intervention may be necessary.
Will Furnass suggested:
- “Start 1:1s by asking how someone is in general, not by jumping straight to asking for status reports. My current line manager has been great here, and it’s allowed us to identify and focus on wellbeing quickly where needed.”
The most important thing is that you listen, be understanding and provide what support you can. I know myself how frustrating it can be - and how much worth your mental health gets - if you admit that you’re struggling, only to feel like your concerns are being ignored, dismissed or not taken seriously.
Other Resources
As with much advice on this blog, I think its important for everyone - individuals and line managers/leaders - to be aware of what support is available. It won’t always be possible to move deadlines or resources around to support someone. And line managers are people too. They can become overwhelmed at times, and may be unable to offer support even if they wanted to.
There is other support available, such as Mental Health First Aiders, Occupation Health and the Employee Assistance Programme. That last one is one we’ve been trying to raise awareness around. A lot of people don’t know that this service is available at most universities, institutions and large companies, providing free support and therapy sessions, and people can self-refer, so your line manager doesn’t even need to know that you’re using it.
As a line manager, you should be aware of these services, and be willing to refer your employees to these services, or encourage them to self-refer when they can.
Final Thoughts
So, I really feel that this blog post has… well… pretty much failed to answer a pretty important question about discussing mental health in the workplace! But hopefully we’ve given a few useful starting points, and we hope that individuals and managers have a better idea of how to start these conversations and what support is available.
If you have any suggestions for how to have these conversations, as either an employee or as a line manager, please consider filling in this form. We will take your responses and use them to create another blog post or resource on this site based on your feedback. Thank you!
Note: I have tried to give credit to the people who made certain comments and suggestions. However, some of them came anonymously via Mentimeter, and others were made in the room and I forgot to note who said them, so apologies in advance if you haven’t been given credit for the thing you said!
Photo by Maranda Vandergriff on Unsplash
